Emotions can manifest in so many ways and when it comes to uncomfortable or negative emotions, it can be more difficult to manage and navigate these expressions. This is something that can’t be avoided and we don’t want to! Helping our loved ones regulate these different feelings is an important life skill.

What is Emotion Regulation?

Emotion regulation is a set of skills that people develop over time that help us understand and express our feelings. What is important to remember is that regulating emotions is a learning process. It is not something that children are born knowing and takes time to develop. The good news? We are able to teach and practice these behaviors!

What can we do?

1. Accept the emotion

It is nature to want to avoid negative feelings, especially when it is happening to our loved ones. It is important though to honor the feelings and give permission to experience. This means that you aren’t trying to fix or solve the emotions your child or loved one is experiencing. Instead, you take an approach of openness and curiosity. 

2. Connect

We want to get to our loved one level, literally! Sit with them, kneel down, or whatever we need to be face to face. Show curiosity and a desire to make it a safe place for them. This can sound like “I can see you’re having a hard time” or “I’m here”. This is not the time to try and explore deeper, to make it a lesson, or to ask questions. Connect before we attempt to dive deeper.

3. Help express it

Learning to express emotions is important and is not an intuitive action for young children. We want to target behaviors for our loved ones to do. This will look different for each person as you learn what works best. This may look like directing to a calm down spot, offering a pillow to punch, turning on music, or, if they are in a space to talk, helping label the emotion. 

What to do

Calm down spot- Direct your child to a calm down space. This can be a space in their room, a space in the living room, a spot on a couch, anywhere where the child can go and have the space to vent their anger. These can be fidgets to play with, cushions to punch, space to yell, or listen to music. 

Don’t make it logical- “Why are you acting this way?” “Why are you upset?” “Don’t cry. ” While we seek to understand and comfort, these statements come across invalidating. When someone is dysregulated, they are often not in the mental headspace to have a conversation answering “why”.

Practice- These steps will need to be repeated again and again. Emotion regulation is a skill we are continually expanding and learning. Practice these skills even when emotions are not difficult to manage.

If you have questions or concerns, please reach out!